How I am staying sane during this generation-altering pandemic

I can no longer keep track of how many days we have been stuck at home, but after looking at a calendar, we’ve been home for 12 days (which followed one day of school and before that a three-day school holiday so it’s been more like 16 days). I am home with my three kids and my husband is still going to work, but has been able to come home when I work with clients on zoom, or do a yoga class on zoom. For me, working or doing something for myself, like a yoga class is tremendous for my mental health upkeep. So I asked myself, in an effort to help others, how am I staying sane during this prolonged and without-an-end-date time of confinement?

1. Screen time: This one is first, because sometimes these advice lists read like an idyllic unrealistic reach, but I want to say, yes, my kids are watching TV for some portion of the day. Normally, I am pretty strict about screen time, but since they are home all day, every day, things have changed. They each have school work, exercise, art or music, and chores to do every day, but I am trying to be laxer about screen time. They have been watching a lot more, and this gives me some time to take care of everything else. The key is to let them watch without feeling guilty about it. We do some great things, but we have a lot of time to fill and one of the ways we fill it is with TV. And if you don’t have kids and have a lot more free time and decide you would like to watch a little more than usual, it’s OK.

2. Slowing down: in a way, time has slowed down. The days are longer, and there is very little imposed structure on my day, as I am seeing fewer clients and my kids are officially on school vacation. So that means I get the privilege or punishment of structuring my own day. I am trying to see it as a privilege, as I really didn’t think much of what their teachers were attempting in their haphazard dissemination of more information and often irrelevant learning material.

3. Changing your mindset: this idea, that we have the CHOICE in what we believe and how we view our world is a game-changer, a paradigm-shift. Once you are able to accept that your thoughts control your feeling and behaviors, you can go about shifting your mindset and make the best out of a really tough situation. How can I see the good? I have decided to look at it, as a sabbatical; a chance to learn something new; a work-vacation. Here’s how I am doing that for myself and for my kids:

4. Make a schedule: Every night or morning I make a schedule for my kids and myself, so that the time doesn't pass without purpose. Even though the kids are officially on vacation, they still need to learn, and fill their day. On their daily schedule is exercise, playing outside, chores, online learning, worksheets that I print out for them from various websites, pages in their school workbooks and art or music, depending on the kid. And we check things off as they do them. This offers a sense of purpose, accomplishment and satisfaction.

5. Being Mindful: noticing how I am feeling and how my family is feeling. This might mean, while I have made a schedule, this schedule is flexible. My five year old wants to paint instead of doing his English homework, no problem. My ten year old wants to learn a song on the piano instead of doing anything else, OK. But also, be mindful of what food feels good in my body. And eat that. Be mindful of whether I need to get out of the house for a run or walk. Notice myself and notice my family and respond to our altering moods. Maybe we just need a family movie/snuggle in my bed.

6. Drink lots of water: this is advice from my amazing yoga teacher. And I think it’s great advice. Drinking enough water a day keeps your digestion going, it's good for your skin, keeps you hydrated, but I also think it stands for more then just water. It means take the time to think about yourself. If you are making sure to drink a cup of water every hour, then you are pausing every hour to check in on yourself. This checking in, helps me choose an apple, over chocolate, not that there’s anything wrong with chocolate, but sometimes an apple is just a better choice for me.

7. Exercise/Getting out of the house: Every day we are all either exercising outside the house, a run, family walk, playing soccer outside our house, riding up and down our little street, or doing an exercise video, etc and this has worked really well for everyone except my youngest. For him, it’s still a struggle, but we are starting to get the hang of it. This is so healthy for all of us. Every time I exercise, I can feel some of the tension that has been building up in my chest, slowly slink off of me. The yoga feels a little different. Sometimes when I sit quietly with my back straight and close my eyes, trying to notice my body, especially when I have been with my kids for a while already that day, I feel a release that sometimes expresses itself in gentle tears of release.

I started running for the first time. I have never been a runner. I was a gym goer, but I stayed away from the treadmill. In my desire to get exercise, get my heart-rate going, I have taken to the pavement for the first time, and here’s to hoping my knees hold out, but it feels really good.

8. Learn something new, find a new hobby, : Find something you enjoy learning, and learn it every day. For the last few months I stated learning Daf Yomi, a page of Talmud a day. It’s a 7 and a half year process, but something many people all over the world are doing, so I find it reassuring and motivating to take this on, and it has connected me more strongly to my Jewish identity.

But it doesn’t really matter what you choose, as long as you choose something. There are so many online classes, or apps helping you learn new things, like a language, interior design, graphic design and more. Think of it like a sabbatical; you are home and have this opportunity to learn something. What have you been itching to learn?

When this virus and near quarantine started, I decided that I would also try to make my dream of learning the piano into a reality. I went to the Facebook community, asking if anyone had a keyboard they would like to give away or sell, and someone gave me one! Since it has entered my home, my ten-year-old son has been obsessed and is progressing really quickly. I don’t seem to have as much natural talent, but I knew that going in, and it’s been fun so far.

And my eight-year-old is learning to ride her bike.

It’s also a nice idea to sit down with the family, or yourself, and come up with a Corona’s resolution. This virus I will learn…

9. Talking to friends and family: For me, living abroad with a seven-hour time difference from my nuclear family, I am actually finding it easier to talk to my siblings and mom. Everyone is home. We have done two family-zoom chats, with each side of the family and hopefully we will continue doing this. It’s also given me a chance to catch up with some friends I am not in the habit of talking to.

But it's also really important to reach out to someone when you are feeling down, because this much isolation, especially if you live alone, can be very negative to your mental health. I's normal to feel down during a time like this, but try to look for ways to pick yourself up. And if it's proving too hard, reach out to a family member, a friend or a member of the professional mental health community. Many, if not all, therapists are offering telephone-therapy or online therapy.

10. And when all else fails, I warm my body with a splash of brandy in my tea.

What’s been working for you?